Last Friday we first took a flight up to Santa Rosa California for Jason's friend, Broc's funeral. Jason has roped with him out on the rodeo trail for a while and we will always miss his fun personality and roping talent.. the next morning we flew to Maui.. I am so proud of Pres, she did so good on the flights.. I was so nervous, of course she had to have a new toy or snack every 5 minutes but there were no major meltdowns!! So we got to the airport, got a rental car and headed to the jackpot for the guys to rope( this is the only way we got Jason and Randon to Hawaii, there friend goes every year to this roping and they had some extra rooms on their time share so they invited us to come) the guys roped while we went to the hotel.. the next 3 days were spent exploring the island, and laying by the beach and pool. We had so much fun and hopefully we will get to go again next year!!
I wanted good pictures at the hospital so I had Jamie Poort come and take some pictures.. If you need a photographer for anything she is your girl.. She takes amazing pictures and is one of the sweetest people I have ever met. I am so grateful she was willing to come at 3 in the morning, these pictures will be cherished forever.
It's taken me a while to want to try and write about our little Jay Brady Adams.. Mainly because I will never be able to put into words what I have felt and experienced during this time. I am a different person, and will never be the same I used to, some parts for the good and some not. I look at life with much more gratitude than I used to.. so very grateful for my life, for my husband, for my daughter, our son, the gospel, the plan of salvation, our family/friends, and the list goes on.. I have felt every prayer, they have lifted me, and saved me at times. Our prayers were beyond answered, we were given two hours with our sweet son.. two hours that never should have happened.. and every second of those two hours will be cherished until we see him again. We went into the hospital at 9 on wednesday morning the 27.. by 11:40 I was in my room and they inserted a little pill into my cervix to start contractions.. I was induced with Presley so I thought that I knew all about it.. think again.. this little pill caused contractions that were 7 minutes long with 20 seconds in between the contractions.. that is the closest I've ever been to feeling like I was going to die! So they checked me and inserted this pill into me every 4 hours.. After twelve hours of doing this I was only at a 4. Finally at 2 AM I started feeling a change.. I called the nurse and told her the pressure was unbearable and that he was coming.. She called my doctor and told him to come. She checked me and he was on his way.. Since he was so small he could come without any pushing.. My doctor got there, broke my water and two pushes later our little one was here. They put him on my chest and all I could do was cry.. He was so little and was just laying there, I didn't think he had made it alive.. After a few minutes the nurse told us that he had a heartbeat. You could see his heart beating very slowly through the clear omphalocele. Jason and I spent time holding him and loving him. Our families were there and got to meet him. He wasn't able to cry or move, but we could feel of his sweet and tender spirit. His heartbeats continued to get further and further apart until it stopped. I love and miss him so very much. There is and always will be a part of me that is missing. I can't wait for the day that I can hold and be with him again.
We had a very small graveside service with just immediate family. It was perfect and exactly what we wanted. Our bishop spoke and Jason said a beautiful prayer to dedicate the grave.
Just wanted to upload a couple of pictures of my little sunshine.. She is the funniest kid I have ever met and brings so much joy.. I am going to miss her so unbelievably much when I leave to have this little one.
She loves walking around in my shoes and becomes so frustrated that they won't stay on!
Jason and Presley both love the bath, so she got in with him one night.. We added a few bubbles no big deal.. then jason turned on the jetts and the bubbles got a little out of control.. She loved every minute of it.
And heres a couple of pictures just to show you that she doesn't run around in a diaper all the time, we do get her dressed for church!
As of right now we have decided to have this little one on June 27... We went to the doctor about a month ago and the heart specialist looked at his heart and it has complications that aren't even able to be fixed if we tried.. My doctor gave us the prognosis that whether I had him tomorrow or at 40 weeks the outcome will be the same. We will be lucky if he makes it through delivery and if he does our time with him will be very short. So after lots of time spent debating when to have him, he will be here in just three short weeks. It was so hard to make this decision because if it were up to me I would stay pregnant with him the rest of my life, I will never be ready to say goodbye but it has to happen. We are trying to give him the best chance possible to get here safely, and the smaller the better, in order for his omphalocele to make it out without rupturing. So we will just cherish the next three weeks with him and hope that he gets here safely. I am dreading the day but at the same time so excited to meet my son. He has changed me in every way for the better. I have learned love and charity that I never knew possible. Peoples love and kindness to us has been unending and I know I have only seen the beginning.
Last Saturday was our 5 year anniversary.. Jason planned us a surprise trip to Brian Head, we had so much fun just relaxing and going somewhere different. Presley loved getting to spend time outside without it being 100 degrees.
Let me just start out by saying how sorry I feel that Presley has to grow up with Terryl because when she gets older she is going to realize how crappy her birthday parties are compared to his! Audrey is a maniac and threw the most adorable first bday.. We had lots of fun celebrating Terryls first bday with amazing food, fun people and lots of cousins for Pres to play with, she loved it of course.. I have never seen a kid love being around other kids as much as Presley does, she cries every time we leave her cousins, and her new thing when she sees them is that she says, "HI GUY"- interpreted she is trying to say, Hi Guys.. but it is probably the cutest thing..
A week after my amnio we got the results that our little one has trisomy 18. It is a chromosome abnormality where he has three copies of his 18th chromosome instead of the regular 2. It is in relation to trisomy 21 (down syndrome) but it is much much worse. In our case it is a problem because with this condition they will not do any surgeries on our sweetheart and without surgeries he will not be able to live. I have kind of put off writing this post because I really don't know what to say. Is it the toughest thing I will ever have to deal with, Yes. Do I have any idea how I am going to do it, No. As long as I constantly focus on the eternal perspective I am ok. I know that we come to this earth for two reasons, 1. To gain a physical body, which he will receive even if it is for a short period of time, and 2. To be tested; I know that he has no need to be tested, I know that it was not necessary, I know he is as pure as they can get. I found a quote that literally gets me through every second of every day. It says-“The Lord takes many away, even in infancy, that they may escape the envy of man, and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely, to live on earth.”- Joseph Smith. I am grateful for all of my many blessings, I am so grateful for Presley, she gets me through every day, I don't think I would get out of bed if it wasn't for her, I am so grateful for Mine and Jason's temple marriage, I could not be more thankful for the opportunity we have to be an eternal family unit, to be sealed to this little one forever. I am thankful for all the prayers and thoughts of all our friends and family, I know it seems like they may have been unheard or unanswered but that could not be more incorrect, they are the only thing that keeps me going and at this point this baby is truly a miracle, 90% of all trisomy 18 babies end in miscarriage or stillbirth and he has made it this far, so we are very grateful for that. I go back to the doctor in 2 weeks, I will go every 4 weeks and they take it 4 weeks at a time.. He seems to think that the baby will make it to actual birth but they can't guarantee anything. So my next appointment they will look at his heart to see how bad the defects are and then they will take it from there. Thank you everyone for all of your love and concern we appreciate it more than you will ever know.
Last weekend we had a girls trip to San Francisco, and had so much fun. My mom, Alivia, Me and Presley flew up there on Thursday and came back on Saturday. We shopped downtown, went to Fisherman's Wharf, Pier 39, Ghirardelli Square, The Golden Gate Bridge and lots of other fun stuff. I also got to see my best friend Jillian which I loved! Presley was an angel the whole trip, I was so nervous about taking her but she did so good, and I survived with all the help from Alivia and my Mom.
My camera broke so I haven't posted pictures in forever! well it's back now and I have lots to catch up on. We had such a fun easter, we went to my Mom's on Saturday and did all the fun things- easter egg hunt, dying eggs. Presley had so much fun, she loved dying eggs aka throwing the eggs in the dye, cracking them, and getting the dye everywhere.. holidays are getting so much fun as she gets older and can have fun, I love it... My mom took her to sit the jacuzzi with the other kids cause I was too lazy, she was in heaven and I know we have a long summer in the pool ahead of us. Dying eggs We stayed out in Logandale on Easter and spent time with family out here.
She loved the fair, she was able to ride a couple rides with Jett and River. It ended when she decided to stand up in the middle of a ride, whoops!
And this picture is to keep on record that Presley is constantly walking on her tip toes!! I've tried to get a picture of it forever and here is it! She is sooo funny!